I'm a terrible blogger. But here's an awesome link.
The other things...there are a few, actually. I had another bilateral mammogram today. The tech was just going to do the left, but I could have sworn the plan was another bilateral to confirm that the calcifications that showed up on the right side last time were still looking benign and stable. So I spoke up (Do that! You are your best advocate!) and it turns out I was right, so I got a little extra flattened on the right side (5 images) and moderately flattened on the left (3 images). Everything looked good.
Which brings me to the next point, which is actually the earlier point only I neglected to bring it up when it was current. That point is FEAR. I'm still working out how to live with the fear of recurrence, what to take seriously and what to let go. In late June I discovered a new back pain, and I couldn't place anything I could have done to injure myself, but it wasn't going away. It isn't severe by any means, and really it only hurts when I bend my spine in a way I rarely do - so I kind of have to try to make it hurt. But the fact that it wasn't resolving and I didn't know what caused it threw me into a giant funk. I tried not to think about it too much, tried to give it time to heal, because there are SO many things that can happen with your back, and most of them take time to resolve. But I couldn't do it. I was really depressed and afraid and I just couldn't shake the notion that I might have bone mets. I read up on treatment options, I imagined what I would do, how long I would be able to work, how long I would need to be NOT working while still feeling well enough to go through all my things so my husband wouldn't have to do it after I was gone, who I wanted to have my bellydance costumes and my fabric, how I would tell my parents...I mean the whole sick fantasy. I was in it, and I didn't know how to get out of it without a real answer. I needed to hear it: "I don't know what's causing your back pain, but it isn't cancer - I know because I checked."
So I kept calling my oncologist when the pain didn't go away. (It has lessened now, but it is still there if I look for it. I guess it's part of my normal now.) She had me give it a couple of weeks to resolve, but when it didn't she took my concerns seriously even though I think she was pretty sure they were unfounded - so she ordered a bone scan. The tech scared me a little - he kept asking if I'd had recent head injuries and said there were dark spots on my skull. If I'd been feeling more like myself I would have told him "Oh, that's just the evil." But I was busy planning my tragic death.
So yeah, the scan came up clear. The nurse said there were "normal degenerative changes", medical code for YOU'RE GETTING OLD. No cancer. More recently, I felt a little like coughing after taking some deep breaths, and naturally that was lung mets. I did manage to talk myself down from that one. But only because it went away. What happens the next time I get bronchitis or something?
Am I part of the problem? Am I making medical care more expensive for everyone by getting unnecessary tests?
