I've been meaning to respond to yet another thought-provoking post over at Nancy's Point about the chemo look, how it makes you feel, and how long afterward you still have to wear it around even though you're done with chemo. Great post, great comments, go read it if you haven't.
As I say, I've been meaning to post a comment there, but I guess now that I think about it I felt awkward because I couldn't really commiserate much. My hair started growing back during the last few weeks of my Taxol treatments, but it was pale and fuzzy and I still looked bald. After that I did go through a really ugly phase where the sides came in thicker than the top, and I hated that. I still wore it out in public because by that time I couldn't stand having anything on my head for long, but it did not look good, and at that point I was definitely feeling what Nancy is talking about. (For Trek-loving nerds like me, I went from Lt. Ilia to Captain Picard - which looks great on Patrick Stewart, but on a woman not so much.)
But other than those few weeks I have liked the way I looked all through this process. I wouldn't have believed it, but it's true. I liked the way I looked bald. I didn't like it when my eyebrows and eyelashes finally went, and it's true I never went out of the house without drawing them back in, but I didn't mind looking at myself without them. It was oddly fascinating, actually. I still liked that girl in the mirror even when she looked like an alien.
Now my hair is growing back in pretty fast. I've gone from having hair to having a hairstyle. And I like it short so much I plan to keep it this way for awhile. It's a HUGE difference from last May, when I was mourning the anticipated loss of my hip-length red hair. I guess my assumption was something like this: I have big features, big curves, I need big hair to balance it all out; but once that hair was gone I found I didn't need it after all, and it actually hid more than it should have.
Chemo hair loss showed me my face and I found out that I like it.
Chandani,
ReplyDeleteIt is so great that you "discovered" your face while experiencing hair loss. I like your comment about going from having hair to having a hairstyle! I'm longing for that day! My eyelashes are starting to come back, just noticed that the other day. Pretty exciting. Some people said theirs fell out again, so I'm hoping that doesn't happen. Thanks for mentioning Nancy's Point!!
I've heard that about eyelashes too, Nancy - I'm with you, my short stubby little eyelashes are a thrill to have and I'd hate to lose them again. But I think it's likely. I think chemo puts them on the same regrowth cycle, so when they fall out & grow back in it's all at once instead of a few at a time. I hear it can take a year to get them on staggered growth cycles again. Aargh.
ReplyDelete