Big hair in the chemo chair

I wore my big red drag queen wig to work today. I don't bring it out often, but it looked cute with my outfit and it's really pretty comfortable. The plan was to take it off on the way to chemo, but when I did I realized it had left a deep indentation across my forehead - not pretty. I know, how much does "pretty" really matter when you're at the hospital having toxic chemicals pumped into your body? Well, it does, a little bit.

Still, I felt a bit ostentatious in the waiting area, sitting there with my huge flaming hair - "Peggy Bundy with class" is how one friend described it. The nurses & the pharmacist like it though.

So this is Taxol number 3 (of 12). It's the first one I'm trying without any Benadryl. If it goes well I won't have to be sleepy on Thursday afternoons anymore, so I'm really hoping I don't have a reaction to the Taxol. I just finished the 30 minutes of pre-meds and am currently being flushed with saline again, so I guess I'll know soon!

Saturday after Taxol #2 - now with TMI

Today should be the bad day. So far though, I don't hurt at all. My hands occasionally feel a little hot and prickly, and that's pretty much it. Except that my bladder is irritated. I noticed the same thing last week, drank a lot of cranberry juice and water, and it was pretty much back to normal by yesterday - but now it's back. UTI? Or some kind of weird side effect I haven't read about yet?

Regardless, it's great to be feeling so good. I even got excited about cooking, for the first time in months. I've been reading about gelatin and making stock with chicken feet, so I just had to try it. I threw a few feet in with some celery, carrots & onion, the wings and carcass of a chicken I cooked in the rotisserie a couple of days ago, and a lot of water. It's been bubbling in the slow cooker for about 16 hours so far, and I think I'll let it keep going all day to get as much calcium out of the bones as possible. I love homemade chicken stock, the way it thickens up in the fridge so that even after you skim all the fat off, what's left still has a really rich, luxurious mouthfeel and so much flavor. I didn't know that gelatin was so good for you though. Bonus!

Ebay listing

I've been meaning to sell this bellydance costume for awhile now, but now that I have lots of bills I'm finally getting off my butt and doing it.

Taxol #1 underway

So here I am coming to you live from the chemo suite again. So far, so good with the Taxol - no reaction during the initial slow phase, so they've sped up my drip and I'm still having no problems with it. I'm also not horribly groggy from the Benadryl, so hopefully I will have no problem driving myself home from future infusions. Today I got a ride from my mom, just in case.

The bad news is, my nurse, who has been through this herself, told me she still has some trouble with neuropathy in her feet. I though that crap was supposed to be temporary. I need my feet for dancing, my fingers for working, sewing and beading. We're doing all of this so I can have a long life, but I need that life to include the things that make me happy or it isn't really worth the trade-off. Ah, well. No matter what, I will find a way to keep doing what I love. I always do. There is no other option.

The glow has worn off and I'm tired of chemo.

What, there was a glow? Really?

Well, yes, kind of. Maybe a horrible, unhealthy nuclear mutant type of glow, but a glow nonetheless. The first few chemo sessions were at least doing something new, taking some action and getting used to the effects. Now it's starting to get really old. I'm even getting a little tired of being bald, though mirrors still fascinate. 12 weeks of Taxol to go, and I already feel like I'm just done.

At least now there's radiation stuff to deal with. I've met my RadOnc, and we're setting up my plan next Thursday. I'm not very happy about that either, though. I'm just getting tired of doing all this stuff that changes and sometimes permanently damages my body, when we don't even know there's anything in there to fight. Maybe there aren't any cancer cells. Maybe everything got cut out in the surgery and I'm doing all this for nothing. I've already lost 18 perfectly healthy lymph nodes. How much other healthy tissue do I have to destroy "just in case"?

Then again, the thought of a recurrence is a lot worse than anything I'm currently living with, and the part of treatment I'm currently living with is probably the worst of it. So I guess I should just buck up and deal.